Ever run into these irritating morons at washrooms? You know the ones that keep washing their faces and scrubbing away with paper towels, combing away furiously and staring at the mirror for what seems like an eternity?
I fail to understand their thought process.Do they think they will suddenly become good looking? That they have some dormant Adonis DNA that they expect will suddenly spring into action and transform them into a hunk? That there is some magic ingredient in the water that transforms them into Brad Pitt if one scrubs and stares at the mirror long enough?
I've got news for you morons.If you need to stare at mirrors out of hope rather than pride then perhaps physical attraction isn't necessarily your strong suite.You need to work on something else.
(And good luck finding chicks that aren't superficial.)
The most irritating part about this though is that it invades my privacy.I hate it when I step into the washroom and find someone inside. I can't wait for these morons to get out.Their presence affects my natural game so I have I go into slow motion mode, pressing the soap dispenser button.....lathering.......washing my hands...sllllooowwwllly.
And just when the moron looks like he's about to exit he will come back with another fresh paper towel, hoping against hope.And when reality dawns he will finally leave.Only to rinse and repeat.The very next day.Everyday.
Sometimes his slow motion mode pips mine and I exit before and return a few minutes later to restore normalcy. Other times, patience pays off and I get some alone time at last.So that I can wash my face, and scrub - what the?! no paper towels?
HSB Itemised statement - Your Special Fixed Quick Lunch bill explained
Rs 15 - Standard Meal
Rs 1 - Bill printing paper
Rs 0.50 - Printer ink cartridge renewal
Rs 2 - Billing clerk
Rs 1 – Training billing clerk to use computer
Rs 1 - Assistant billing clerk
Rs 1 - Guy who collects bill at food counter
Rs 1 - Assistant of guy who collects bill
Rs 1 - Guy who fetches plates from wash
Rs 2 - Guy who dumps food on the plate
Rs 1 - Guy who stands nearby waiting for special orders/refills
Rs 1 - Guy who arranges/refills sambhar/rasam cups
Rs 1 - Assistant of Guy who arranges/refills sambhar/rasam cups
Rs 2 - Guy who oversees that the above guys are doing what they are supposed to be doing
Rs 1 - Guy who oversees the overseer
Rs 1 - Overseers safari suit fund
Rs 1 - Guy who writes the special menu on the white board
Rs 2 - Guy who directs the table cleaners to dirty tables
Rs 1.50 - Table cleaner #1
Rs 1 - Table cleaner #2
Rs 1 - Guy who is supposed to direct the table cleaners but does not
Rs 2 - Guy who places the water jug on the table
Rs 1 – Guy who is supposed to place water jug on table but does not
Rs 2 - Guy who replaces used tumblers on the table
Rs 1 - Another guy who replaces fresh tumblers on the table
Rs 2 - Guy who floats around in the general vicinity cracking jokes and indulges/distracts some/all of the above staff with idle chatter
Rs 1 - 'We screw you so badly and there's nothing you can do about it' secret gloating party fund
Rs 2 - HSB light sign electrical support
Rs 1 - Aesthetic placing of miniscule carrot and tomato piece as sub side dish
Rs 1 - Plate cleaner
Rs 2 - Polythene cap to prevent hair finding its way into the food.
Rs 1 - Polythene gloves
Rs 2 - Annachi benefit/pension fund
Rs 1 - Supporting the fight against diabetes by having no sweets on the menu
Rs 1 - Supporting the fight against obesity by serving miniscule portions
Rs 2 - You're too tired to notice this anyway
Rs 1 - Hygiene standards certification officer bribe
Rs 1 - Cooking classes for our cooks
Rs 2 - Food wastage pre-emptive penalty
Rs 2 - Education cess tax
Rs 1 - Sri Lankan Tamil liberation fund
Rs 2 - Miscellaneous amount recommended by our auditor
Rs 0.50 - For the trouble taken to stock 50 paise coins in order to always give proper change back on bill.
Rs 1 - Our next new branch purchase fund
Rs 2 - VAT
Rs 2 - Random surcharge
Rs 75.50 - Grand Total
Enjoy your meal!
*A Holistic eating experience*